Uncommon Legend

How long will it last?

“I thought I was fine.” I am sure we have all uttered this to ourselves, but that is how I felt. The past few months have honestly felt highly tumultuous. I found myself fighting mentally just to leave my bed. 5 am wake-up calls felt like a death sentence, and my 6 am workouts felt like my execution. Before I go any further, you must understand that I do not look for negativity, but it seems to always creep into my life like a thief in the night. I wanted to just give up on myself, my podcast, my job; basically, I just wanted to give up on everything. However, how far would that get me? I want more out of life, not the stress and problems. I recently told my fiancé that proposing to her is the only good thing that has happened to me this year. She immediately reminded me how that was false and began telling me how I do so much and that people see my good works and how I have grown so much (Oh, how I do not deserve her sometimes). Personally, my vision has been so fixated on one part of the story that I cannot see the whole narrative. Have you ever been there, though? It seems that nothing is going right for you physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, financially, etc – yet, you are still breathing. You still have time to turn it around. Rome was not built in a day, and ‘The Rock’ did not become swole overnight.  

I am currently pulling a seminary no-no and reading a book that isn’t part of my curriculum. I know, bad Albert! However, something about it called me out and reminded me of my own pet peeve, complaining. The author writes,

 “I think there are basically two types of people in the world: complainers and worshipers. And there isn’t much difference between the two. Complainers will always find something to complain about. Worshipers will always find something to praise God about. They simply have different default settings.” – (In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, Mark Batterson) 

Talk about a reality check! However, what got me was when I got to the end of the chapter. I saw my notes from my previous time reading this chapter. What amazes me about us Christians is that we usually know we should tell our problems about our God. However, we just tell God about our problems and forget to praise him when they are finally answered. Now I do not write this blog for Christians. I write this for the non-believer, too! I want everyone to know that I am not perfect, but I want to show you a different route to endure your trials. I know I am going through a lot right now, but I know it will not remain forever. When I get to the other side of my struggle, I hope that I praise God sooner and longer. Instead of being a negative complainer, I want to be a positive worshiper. I know my pain is necessary because one day, I will encounter someone that needs to hear, “I get it!”  However, I want to change my default settings!

I remember reading some of Parker Palmer’s work and him explaining his bouts of depression and “Dark Nights of Soul,” and I found myself perplexed. “How can a guy go through all of that and still write amazing books?” Well, I am beginning to understand now. Instead of bottling all the emotional darkness, express yourself! I hope and pray that my writing helps you. I know that this pit I am in sucks, but I can either climb out or dig it deeper. This metaphorical wall has been placed in front of me, and all I can do is take it one day at a time until it no longer exists, and I am on the other side because Lord knows what is over there, must be better than what is over here. I will praise him through my thoughts, attitude, and actions. So, here is to taking control of how to go from here.