Uncommon Legend

My hope for tomorrow

I’m tired—a phrase I don’t like to admit. Better yet, I hate to admit. I don’t want to write this blog, but I am writing it to get my feelings out. I am personally writing it because I know I won’t tell anyone how I feel. Pretty bad, isn’t it? A minister and a person who loves everyone and creates an open space for everyone else to talk but can’t actually do it himself. Honestly, it’s not from a lack of trying. However, I tend to place everyone else’s needs over my own. But I can no longer do that. 

When I say I am tired, I don’t mean physically. I don’t even mean mentally or spiritually. I mean emotionally. I am personally tired of things just happening without my permission. I didn’t tell you to make those bad things happen to my friends. I didn’t ask you to make my girlfriend stressed out. I didn’t ask you to make my boss feel like he has to take everything on his shoulders. I didn’t tell you to give my family the turmoil. I didn’t ask you to make my students feel like they shouldn’t be on this earth anymore. These are the experiences that I have been working through for the past few months, and honestly, they make me angry. I love people, A LOT. Their burdens become my burdens. That won’t change. However, what I do want to change is my overwhelming internal need to fix it all. I can’t fix it. The one phrase I loath even more than I’m tired. It reminds me of my humanity all too well. 

I want everyone to be okay at all times, but I can’t, and that’s what hurts the most. However, I have faith in Jesus. The one person who takes all of our hurt, stress, and anguish. He is the one that will make everything right. When I want to give up, I look to Him and trust that all will be fine. I trust in God not because it’s easy but because it’s difficult. Often, I would like to be in control of everything; however, there would be no need for God if that were the case. I am thankful I am not God because I would mess everything up, plus he cleans up my messes. 

I don’t know who will read this, but I want you to know I get it. Life has dealt a hard blow right to your heart. You’re not alone. I get tired too, but we will get through this together. It will be challenging, it will be difficult, but it will get better. I know with God’s strength, we will be alright. One day we will look back and realize that all the pain was worth it and that everything we wanted to handle has already been dealt with and then some. Remember, it’s one day at a time, nothing more, nothing less. You will be okay, just have faith.